Tonight at my critique group I showed pictures I took today at R0n and Le0na's. As far as I can tell they live separate lives in their home. They sleep in separate bedrooms, although that seems fairly common in this demographic. But his bedroom is in the basement, not the spare room beside her. There also happens to be another bathroom, sitting room, and kitchen in the basement. They used to rent it to students. I had an inkling the first time I visited that their living spaces were for the most part separate. I suspected separate meals. Today it was confirmed. Not only separate meals but separate groceries.
When I got home and looked at the pictures on my screen, I saw way more sadness than I'd realized while I was there, especially the ones when they're in the same room. Surely that must have been some trickery at work, some slight of hand I did to project my own judgments on their marriage.
Anyways, I took some of the photos to critique -- although not the really sad ones since they had to be manipulations.
And I had a bit of a breakthrough. Tr1na said that what she was seeing in the pictures I'd shown the group so far was all about long relationships. It clicked. I'd had thoughts now and again that maybe the project could go that way, but I kept pulling away from that, since it wasn't anything like what I'd intended when I began.
But I guess this is what it's all about: discovery, being open to discovery. And it's a constant struggle for me, trying to figure out what I'm trying to say with this project. This new perspective gives me chills. This could turn into something really good.
I cried on the way home. Because if these pictures are really about marriage, then they might be what the future holds for me. In fact, they might be the best case scenario. Two solitudes?
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Someone else's future isn't necessarily yours. We all make our own choices and they lead us in unique directions. It is good to be aware of where you don't want to end up, so you can be mindful of what direction your path is heading.
ReplyDeleteI just noticed this is from 2009 --but I was going to say what Kyla said. Also (now, clearly I know nothing about this couple) but also, I wanted to say that I don't think that separate living spaces for a long-married couple is that odd, as long as there's a shared space, too. I mean, long-married couples are probably retired, too, right? spending at least 75% of their time at home? So they need some time to be away from each other, out of hearing & sight both. And then they can come together by choice.
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